Moved

I have, moved.

http://www.pocketcellar.blogspot.com/

'The Square Root of 3'

Oh damn.
I haven't done anything productive, at least not from my point of view, for the last 2 hours.. unless you count plucking strands of hay-like hair, working. :)

Harold and Kumar was hilarious – especially the Cockmeat Sandwich and The Square Root of 3 Poem bit.

'The Square Root of 3'

I fear that I will always be,
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321,
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds,
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued,
And love for me has been renewed.

I have been dreaming about the trip to HK; the shiny window fronts of every shopping mall calling, my powerless resistance to buy shoes for maybe, the next decade or so, the beautiful sceneries any camera would approve, the glorious food/ orgasmic delicacies … I am already imagining the amount of stuff I will lug back and what my mum, sis and JKN will say when they notice (and they will notice). I will surely cover my tracks by forking out for some presents for them. :p

Tennis will be at its last lesson today. I marvel at how I truly enjoyed the 8 weeks (make that 7 because of a breakup and a no-nonsense 1-time-class-drop-out), practicing to maintain a hard shell of “Tennis-skill”, practicing with a dozen of “Sorry!” apologies, a failed attempt to create an impression that I might be best in class after a “Melissa and the Frying Pan Grip” label (to date I still enjoy calling myself that), winning a Mini Championship, receiving a 2nd nick : Windscreen Wiper, winning 1st runner up! for no apparent talent but I did GOOD!, admiring Sharon’s cute Tennis shoes and rolling eyes at the Coach’s fave lines between, “Josiah, you be captain”, “Josiah, you first.”

... Haha I love it.

A run-through of the things I’ve learnt:
1) Handshake Grip
2) Eastern Forehand
3) Backhand
4) Serving!
5) Volleys
6) Doubles
7) Overhead Smashes
8) Stupid drills

It is proven: Tennis is not the preserve of the ultra-talented or the ultra-rich. (If it were, I would not be here.) But ultra-blessed I am, thank you Jesus. For I know I play a good game because You make me good.

Involved on a Tuesday Night

I know it's not an opportune time to be using the computer, what with a movie to catch in less than an hour, but it feels so good to be back home.

Harold and Kumar :) in my fave soft trackpants.

I wonder why too

Cheers for the update, and for gawd knows why I post the photos I post (last entry).
Well. Hope they made up for my almost non-existant writing blog.

I have been away; enjoying strange weather, strange sleeping habits, strange activities. and the company of a strange gentleman - somewhat.

Life is very much faster now that it borders on a "I wonder what's next?" mode - sleeping and waking odd hours, not realising breakfast from lunch, lunch from dinner + supper, step panic into overdrive by drinking too much wine, catching too many movies and refusing to get out of bed.
It is pretty awesome.

But then it also takes some oomph out of the romance.. if romance I can call it be.
I can be polite and distant, or fun and a joy like a darling.. but what I am attempting?

Actually, sometimes I feel like a pile of bones.
So i ignore myself.

I'm brimming with ideas for a good photography expedition - I'm going Hong Kong!! for a short business trip. The single conclusion to (not shopping! but..): More great photos!
I have but one interest in photography, and it may surprise you to know, I hope I can come up with a book. A photobook.
AMEN!

I beam at the thought of re-feathering a nest, my room a nest, that is. I've been meaning to do since the beginning of forever but. up until now, it pretty much still looks the same.
Actually it is the same.
JKN previously put together my ceiling lamp (when he still came over - that is HOW LONG it has been.) It still sits (in high style) at my dining area, irrelevant to the other pieces-ware.
Lol.

I wonder when I'll finally get started.

Repair In Progress (RIP)

38 EK Place

Home

I hope it's just the mensus - cos I feel terrible.
I feel like I cant do anything anymore, and I dont even want to want to do it.

I'm so cold I hid in the toilet, clammy hands over face,.. so fazed out, I feel like sticking a handiplast on my forehead,.. so stormy a stomach, I could cook curry inside.

I want to go home.

Easy?

Hehe, I've had one friend ask me "easy"?
"how easy this breakup had been – I’ve always thought I knew the easiest and shakiest breakups came from broken relationships without God, people who weren’t Christians and were insecure everywhere.."

I didnt mean the breakup was Easy for me.
I meant Easy = Fragile to touch, to break. Easily broken.

My English .. Fantastico.
Sometimes I dont even understand myself.

You are the hero of my life

When was the last time you heard NCC's "You Gave" album?
It's been a long while for me.. and now, just superly in season. God knows me so well, loves me so much. :D I'm in love with You - In Love.

I'm going on a Photography Expedition again! If I can do it everyday, I probably will.
I stopped because No Camera!.. but I am inspired again! In case someone says I copy him, I probably started learning on my own first! Great angling Mel! .. Lol, cant bother.. he probably doesnt even know what I'm talking about; he practically has no reception everywhere.

I met up with Shas today, over crispy donuts, ice milktea - fuelled by sweet food and chatting: No proper dinner required.
I had a wondrous time, and I became so sweet I even walked you to your bus stop! Dam. I must find you a boyfriend.

ZC doing an aussie report now. We devised how many plans to meet since he left for aussie? Plenty and each time we dont, only I whine on msn. He? He only does this awfully long report and tells me he will always be on my side (after i forced him to) and really wants to talk to me. I'm sleeping soon already and I'm in SG time hello. Eh! shouldnt you be sleeping already.?? Heeps

Pea and I are thrown into a confusion of how to hand in our R-love letter.
Know what I mean?

A few things I want to do:
1) Learn the guitar (Shawnie said if I'm serious he'll buy me one and teach me. Hallelujah. I'm also serious over an iPod.)
2) Tennis. OF COS!
3) Photography Expedition. Anytime
4) Picking Saga Seeds - Shas said outside Alexandra Hospital.. I think Ang Mo Kio too.. find a bright morning. Maybe MC on Friday . Ey, I know myself too well.
5) Work overseas - A whole fraction of my life in Singers. Dont you want the best for me? Well. maybe 20% travel? That'd be cool.

No Big Deal

I was telling pea yesterday that I guess a part of why I’m alittle bonky .. is the irony(somewhat).. of how easy this breakup had been – I’ve always thought I knew the easiest and shakiest breakups came from broken relationships without God, people who weren’t Christians and were insecure everywhere..

Well. I’m not entirely right am I.. Gawd I just went through one.

No big deal. It shows I am human … I am vulnerable, I fall out of love, I get messed up,…… I am nothing without Jesus. What about you? :P

MX - one of my most “favouritest” friends since poly called me today.

MX: Hey, I’ll drop your wedding invitation in your mailbox. What’s your unit number? (I went for her ROM last year with Lionel)

Mel: XXXXX. Whee, I’m excited!

MX: Ok, bring lionel along ok.

Mel: Oh, we broke up already. You're getting married and I'm still breaking up. God bless! (She doesn’t know I’m going through a second one and somehow. I can’t find it in myself to explain. I find this amusing)

MX and Mel: LOL.

MX: Just anyhow bring someone along LAAAAAA. I got 2 seats for you.


For the first time in so many days, I actually. Really laughed. At myself . At my own its-no-big-deal.

Just

I dont care if u just got back from Hong Kong, just finished your last exam paper, just passed your driving test.. i'm not interested, i'm not hearing.
My ears are plugged (shall not remove) - just selfish. just me me me. just Jesus filling me.
(a walking ipod/ sleeping laptop)

For Mel

If you know how warm it has been of late, you would think I’m half crazy doing the things I do. Everyday now no matter how warm I feel, I have this urging need to wrap myself up, don on a sweater/ jacket and socks and snuggle underneath any big duvet. You could say I need a tight snuggle for the struggle.

I can never thank God enough for the patience He has blessed me with over this period of time. I grew.. and I believe I grew a lot. While Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, never has it been called a fruit of torture. Torture sounds really severe, well. Lack of a better description, I guess it means I gave in, and compromised on what Jesus has called me to be.. His beloved Princess. While many fall into the extreme end of claiming their “rights” – the overly excessive need to be treated like a princess by their boyfriends, how many also fall into the other end, of compromising the “right” to be preciously cherished? It’s not good to be on either ends. I realized I can’t compare the relationship now with any other relationships I’ve had not only because it has been with a different person, but also because the situations have been vastly different. So you get my drift.

I know God only wants the best for me. And uncertainty doesn’t cut it. If God already has the answers before I am faced with the challenges, then surely He will bring me through every circumstance with Glory…

He is my city of refuge and His love for me is the only thing I need. And I relish in that. I relish in the Rest where I don’t have to speak to anyone, I’m not answerable to anyone, and I don’t have to find things/ activities to do to distract me from feeling the way that I do.

And yes, I mean it too when I say I taste the inside death. I guess I allow myself to go; to feel. I allow the nausea in my mouth, the pain in my doubt, the confusion in my surety, the “I thought I know what I should do”……

I love tennis. I enjoy it so much, it hurts - physically and now, literally. to give the lessons up. I get advices all over to keep at it….. that sounds really easy. I get advices too .. to quit it.

What is worth more than tennis? Well, surely my heart. There you have it. If he should move on, why shouldn’t you?

Harmless as Doves but Wise as Serpents.
Mel – Highly regarded by God, Child of the Most High God.

The taste of inside death

Painful. Pure Painful.

i can imagine

Raining today morning - huddling under my umbrella, the groaning dark clouds, the staring straining wind, the harsh rain... - Saddens me to no end. No idea why. I guess when they say - when it rains, it pours... well. kinda.
i got to work quickly,.. throat dry but i cant escape work meetings. So i attended - work details are meaningless - left very soon after, back to my desk, sat down and plugged in my ear phones. Sermons.

RINGRING
"Ok." I hung up.
And went back to the computer of emails. I felt a coward hiding behind the phone, but I was not sure i wanted to say anything. I skipped breakfast (not hungry), drank lots of water (really thirsty); felt a bit sad, and a bit of a twit, and even the thought that none of the thoughts matter anyway didn't really cheer me.

Boop.

Just read PME's blog (my private best friend whose name i cant reveal). I wonder if i'm abnormal sometimes. A little too warm for sentiment, i actually feel like crying.

Some of what she wrote:
"Ever since i started working from 9.30-7, 5days wk, i don't get to see him for even a minimum of 5 hrs. Yes, the depth of missing him gets deeper, but i can't ask for more. If he can meet me for only 15mins, he will leave after 15mins. Whenever he said he wanna meet me, i'll asked 'for how long'. His definite answer will b, 'awhile i gotta go already, better than nothing right'. It sounded rather forceful, but if i do miss the chance of him coming over to look for me, i'll have to wait for the next time he can meet me for another 15mins or shorter."

"Silence is the leader now"

"for the decision to leave before i have the chance to bid him goodbye."

"We got very elated whenever we meet, but time is always so short. He will need to go whenever his phone rings. N i'll always have to see him leaving with my smile on. Thou the pinch persists."

I cant imagine the terrible feeling my girl is going through,.. him belittling her feelings, not knowing anything. Nothing. It's like yelling. without a voice.

A pause.
I'm actually a walking headache now. and nothing forms an intelligent sentence in this blog entry. sorry if i manage to bore u.
good night xxxxx

Statement of fact on the condition of being female

Hair Removal Day.

Pea and i popped by to see if there were slots for the female grooming and there was.
I am never excited with this element of hair removal regime, (although not monthly but definitely regularly enough to be annoyed) for the fact that waxing is usually administered by some rough woman whose name ive forgotten today (please look for Miko at The Cathay. She's the best ive met so far) : the impatient and harsh strip, forgetting i'm human, forgetting the skin is uberly sensitive there also. Today however... was her doing of boiling, ovenlike wax. On me.
Good grief.
When i say i walk out the room feeling horribly slapped, i am not kidding.
And i pay, mind u.. for this goosepimpled hell.
(I wish i was a masochist)

Of cos i'll have to admit the few benefits that derive from all this pain: Baby soft skin, tiptop hygiene, easy cleanup.... Plus the torment ends the moment u step out of the room. No sting, no wound.

I never said this entry was a complaint - Just.. please refer to Subject Title again :)

I did brow tweezing today too ( i told u it was hair removal day) .
There are not many optimal methods of brow plucking... threading is great but i cant do it today (my brows are a mess!!) and shaving?? - the lazy way to look okay (think effects of ingrown hair and terrible stubble Yucks).

The tweezing was "shiok" although i could feel the ripping of the tiny hairs..... i even fell asleep!
I think Brows are so easy. Heehee
(maybe i am a silent masochist)

In case u are wondering, No,.. i am not easily marketed. I just keep returning, keep coming back for "suffering"... and i wonder why (Ha ha)

All the "effort" we females go into.


Some photos from Friday 11-Apr-08
I'm sorry if u're sick of Hansel.. As u can tell, i am most definitely not :p

Saturday 12-Apr-08

I wanted to go Ikea but remember i said, it was a hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait day.. ? Well it was. But i was also pacified afterwards. So i shut up.

JKN and i launched straight for a movie at midnight instead. In tees and sloppy hair. Which explains why we were "trucker-capped".... and i was trucker "JUST A GOOD OL' BOY" tattered cap - i know, but its a charming piece.
Movie was awesome - I am not surprised.

We had a lovely lovely time.

Sunday 13-Apr-08I am really happy for the boyfriend today. and Happy especial day Baby.
I said Blessed today.. and he had to add Blessed Wonderful!

Blessed Wondeful indeed.
Kisses.

i really do.

The relentless stagnant air when i woke up. Oh, aircon's already switched off .. Boo.
Friday night saw pea, fan and me over at JKN's....... i wanted to play wii Rabbid with them and they wanted to see Hansel. Right forearm hurting from all that tennis (real tennis training on wednesday!) so for the first time, wii games gave me a scare. Painful.

"Hansel looks like a bear."
"He is only a month plus old?! He's gonna grow real big.."

They all say that. And i had forgotten how i told JKN the day we went to see the puppies, that i wish Hansel will grow to look like his dad. I may regret that.
Hansel's dad is BIG. BUT THANK GOD, ALSO CUTE!

Of late, Hansel has been eating. alot. Always. Hungry.

oh well.
On another note, i havent been shopping. i said i want to but i havent.
i saw this gorgeous pair of shoes (red and black), and i will buy it no matter what.
i am going to spend a wholly obscene amount of money on myself. :)
HEEHEE

am spose to attend arrow today (like now!!), but not anymore.
It's a hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait day.

i feel like there are crossed wires in my head.
heyy i just want to enjoy today.

It would be this.

I could catch up with a great deal of people.

I spoke to shawnie boy yesterday while half lazing at work (report me for all i care.. no, seriously please go)
I miss him. His voice so very familiar, his laughter and that ever-so-i-dont-care demeanor... his insistent ways of not telling me Anything, and my superpower ways of finding out Everything.
He's my boy.

I'm only feeling a mite tired

At this point, i need to just walk into my bedroom - in hope of a full-brain-melting-sleepy-point.

Am on computer holiday, sweeties

U guessed it. My computer bailed out on me.
I'm on my laptop now, uploading this brief blog... (although from the looks of it this is alot of work - all the overdue photos)

It's 1:31am 11-Apr-08 now. I promise to sleep before 2am because i cant take advantage of the morning calls everyday 3-4 times every morning. No moan no groan tmrw (Please!! JKN will get madders at me.)
It's Friday! That should well make up for everything.


Hansel's

Pea's gown fitting - A Wedding Affair

Jumbo Seafood - The Extended Family

A Wedding Affair - Live @ Mediacorp

Chummy chummy with the girls






I miss the girls so much. I miss swimming at the pools and playing at the beaches, heavy cloud tanning (!), house parties, kissing (!!), shopping for cute shoes, expensive threads and decent bras, exchanging make up tips and reviews... Plain awesome u know.

Same for the meetup i had with pingB - hey girl, u might be asking yourself why are u doing the things that u do... what could possibly make u do all this (i am still reading your blog, of cos i am) and the answer is,... well. i guess . the prospect of being happy with him or.... (heeps!) the prospect of making him happy (not u) - I HOPE NOT.
Let's get this straight. He's not my most favourite guy when it comes to boyfriends for my girlfriends. I'm more of a no-complications girl. BUT...................... i try seeing how happy u look with him.. Yeah .Exactly. So i give in LAA.
I support u. (Always!)

Love love uuu